I’m a newbie. As I have mentioned before I had been in relationship with girls but never with a guy, or even dated one. All of my relationships with girls happened after being friends with them for a while so the transition was very organic. It just happened. I was never the guy to go out and hit on girls to get in their pants… for obvious reasons. I always believed in respecting people and a big part on this is not using them to satisfy my own desires. I have always preferred solid relationships over fleeting ones, and well, we all know these are harder to find.
When I came to my senses and decided to be true to myself as a gay man a lot of things happened. Some of these things were exciting, some were scary and some taught me very important lessons. Looking back at how it all happened I can’t help but laugh. For someone that really had a hard time talking to girls, other than my friends, I was being very “successful” in the gay dating scene.
In the first few months, there was a new date basically every week. I was surprised. Very surprised. My friends were surprised. I wondered how long was that going to last. Some of my friends said that I was like a sheltered high school kid that was finally experiencing college. It felt like that. I went from not having a “romantic” life to meeting all these guys and experiencing a whole spectre of emotions and very interesting scenarios. This post would be too long if I write about what I learned in each one of them, but I will be sporadically writing about what I learned as time goes by.
You know when kids get a sugar high? They run and jump around only to crash a little afterwards? Yeah, that’s what ended up happening. I am grateful for the running around and meeting so many people so fast but I just crashed. I believe this may be because I was becoming someone I really am not. My feelings were getting too involved and to be honest I am not the type to be dating like that. One of my main problems is that deep inside what I want is a solid relationship and I tried to fit everyone I met in that box. I could’ve enjoyed the process more if I was more casual about it. My mindset should’ve been to meet someone, get a new friend and take it from there. What I was doing was meeting someone and saying: “I think this guy can be great as a partner”. After knowing him for 3.5 seconds. Crazy, I know. The worst part of this is that my wanting a relationship was so strong that I really didn’t care to know the person well enough, so I lowered my standards of what I was looking for. I know these guys were really not what I want, or need. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.
Things have changed. I am over the rollercoaster period and am now taking some time to chill and relax. I am taking some time to think and reflect on what happened in the first few months of coming out. Most important I am taking some time to solidify who I am as man, period. The fact that I am openly gay now doesn’t have to change my values or the things I believed to be right. I am the same guy, but no longer carrying the burden of lying to myself about who I really am.