Missing A Father Figure


When it comes to people trying to figure out why someone “turned out” gay there are many theories. Some of these theories are interesting, some are sad and some leave you wondering about people’s lack of knowledge about society and how long have they been living under their comfy rock.

One of the theories that I have heard the most is that gay men are gay because they didn’t have a strong, nurturing father figure. As I come to meet more gays I realize that, yes, in some instances this is the case. But in the same way I have met others that have a solid relationship with their respective fathers. Can you imagine if everyone that had a distant or nonexistent relationship with their Dad turned out gay? We would, of course, live in a gayer world. It is sad that many people don’t have that bond with their father, but I don’t believe this can determine someone’s sexual identity.

As you are aware by now I am gay, I am a homosexual man. My relationship with my dad is one of the best, if not the best relationship I have.  We communicate often, we understand each other, we speak each others’ language. Even since I was a kid, the bond between my father and I was very strong. Not only is he a mentor in my life, guiding me in a wide variety of aspects but he provides me the nurture that you would expect from a caring father. Many times when talking to me he reflected on the strength of God’s love upon us and how his response to that love was to show me, and his other children, love in the strongest way he was able to. My father is not perfect, but in the midst of his imperfections, he showed me affection and the guidance I needed to be who I am today. I am not perfect either, but  so far I have been able to live a good, successful life and I owe that in a great part to him.

My own experience tells me that people don’t become gay because they lack a father figure. Again, there may be some cases where this factored in some way, but isn’t that the case with everything? Are all women lesbians because their relationships with their mother wan’t there? Absolutely not.

It would be good if people stopped trying to figure out why others are the way they are. If we stopped thinking “I wonder who hurt them that bad”, or, “I guess his father wasn’t there for him” or any other things to explain why people turned out the way they are. Why should we stop? Because we really don’t gain much. What if we decide to use that energy to show others that we love them? Wouldn’t it make our lives better to show love, no matter the circumstances of the past?

I am grateful for my father. When I told him I was gay he was incredibly supportive. After telling him I also quickly told him “Dad, the fact that I am gay doesn’t take away the fact that I will some day be a father, and I aspire to be as great a father to my children as you have been to me“.

I know fatherlessness can be a scary and painful thing to endure that can bring many emotional issues in a person’s life. I know some may not relate to my experience, straight and gay alike, but I wish that in some way I can help others who have struggled or are struggling with this in their lives.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad! **10 seconds**

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